The anxiety comes in waves like a boat being tossed at sea. My stomach the boat, the waves the feeling of dread and my heart a rock that plummets into the abyss.
I grasp my lava bead bracelet (one of a zillion) inhaling an “uplifting“ essential oil I’ve been told can alter my brain chemistry. I fidget with the crystal beads attached to the flimsy cord desperately reciting today’s mantra for the hundredth time.
“Trust the Universe
Trust the Process
Spirit has your back“
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
I’m back, the waves settle, the nausea passes and I slide the bracelet back on to my wrist.
The life of the anxiety ridden. Don’t get me wrong I’m a realist ....as well as a hopeless hippy. The meds started years ago but I like my “tools”...my oils, my jewelry, my words, my altar, my incense...my mat.
I rediscovered my yoga practice not long after the meds were prescribed for general anxiety and panic attacks. My tools and my practice give me not only a sense of control but remind me to stay present, to stay grateful, to stay grounded and to shift my energy. The meds take the edge off so I can sleep, parent and participate.
Ive battled with anxiety all my life, although as a child and a teen, I didn’t have any reference or words for what I was experiencing. It wasn’t until becoming a mother, surviving a painful marriage and subsequent volatile divorce that I reached out for answers, returned to my yoga mat and asked for medical help.
The waves still come, the hard days still exist, the winter blues are very real thing. It’s daily gentleness with yourself, it’s consistency with your tools, it‘a knowing when to ask for help and it’s remembering what a beautiful life it really is....
This weekend it will all come together as I begin training in Yoga for Mental Health. A full circle moment for sure. It just goes to show that even us cool, calm, collected yogis have struggles with mental health too! And I am so very excited to be able to share my knowledge from this dynamic training with you on the mat In 2022.
xoxo
Namaste
Jaime
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